What are the 4 things causing divorce Singapore?
Who is John Gottman?
John Gottman researched on marriage for more than 40 years and organizes workshops for married couples. According to him, he can listen to a married couple for 5 minutes and determine whether they will get a divorce. He claims to have an accuracy rate of 91%. I wonder whether that applies to divorce Singapore as well.
Gottman has written a book on why marriages go bad and what can be done about it.
According to Gottman, there are 4 major indicators that indicate that divorce is going to happen. I guess that applies to divorce Singapore as well.
The 4 things are:
- Criticism: This attacks the person and not their behaviour.
- Contempt: One spouse conveys disgust to the other. This can be by way of name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery or negative humour. There is no way to solve a problem if there is only contempt.
- Defensiveness: Blaming your partner for everything that goes wrong isn’t going to help with your marriage.
- Stonewalling: If one spouse disengages from the relationship during moments of conflicts, emotionally, he/ she may no longer be in the relationship.
See: Eric Barker, “These 4 Things Kill Relationships”, Time, 26 August 2014
As a divorce lawyer Singapore, I am not so sure if you can predict whether a marriage will end in divorce within 5 minutes of looking at a married couple.
However, I do agree that the 4 Gottman’s indicators do have a big role to play in the divorce Singapore.
One of the keys to a successful marriage is respect. Respect for your partner. Respect for yourself. Respect for the institution of marriage.
If you respect your partner, you do not cricticise him/ her as a person. You do not show contempt for him/ her openly. If you respect yourself, you do not run away and shift the blame to another person when things go wrong.
If you respect the marriage, you will not “zone-out”.
Hence, respect is the key. The lack of respect, to me, is the biggest cause for divorce Singapore.
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