Attunement- Reducing Divorce based on Unreasonable Behaviour Singapore


Research shows that women generally have 2 major complaints about men. The reasons are frequently used in a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour Singapore.

  1. “He is never there for me.”
  2. “There isn’t enough intimacy and connection.”

Even while in a relationship/ married, they would feel lonely. This is linked to a lack of trust. Women cannot trust their men to be there when they need them. Women tend to want their men to be there for them emotionally by showing care and providing a listening ear.

On the other hand, the same researchers found that men generally have 2 major complaints about women.

  1. “There’s too much fighting.”
  2. “There’s not enough sex.”

Men would similarly feel lonely while being attached/ married. Like women, men desire intimacy. To them, more intimacy means less fighting and more sex.

There is a clear overlap in that both women and men want intimacy. The researchers suggested that the complaints can be addressed through “attunement”. For instance, when a man “attunes” to his lady, there is less fighting and in all likelihood, more sex.

Similarly, “attunement” will lead to emotional connection and trust. A woman would then feel that his man is there for her. Women’s complaints against men.

Thus, the researchers suggest that “attunement” may be the way to address the complaints of men and women.

Finally, the researchers found out that fights tend to happen between couples when the man dismiss his lady’s emotions instead of attuning to them. According to them, a man should not minimize, mock or ignore a woman’s emotions.

See: John Gootman, PhD and Julie Schwartz, PhD, “The Man’s Guide to Women”

Divorce based on unreasonable behaviour Singapore

The above complaints are frequently listed in divorce papers in Singapore when couples file for divorce. While I agree that “attunement” may just be the way to reduce complaints and make marriages last, the difficulty lies in trying to “attune”.

In some cases I have seen, one spouse would do his/ her best to please the other while the other gets used to being pampered. Eventually, the spouse working hard gets tired and gives up.

I guess it is a fine line between attunement and giving in all the time. Attunement, in my opinion, means being receptive of your spouse’s opinions and understanding towards his/ her emotions and feelings. It does not mean giving in to your spouse at all costs.

Understanding and practising attunement may just reduce the possibility of a divorce based on unreasonable behaviour Singapore.

You may also be interested to read more about:

1. Divorce and Separation

2. Annulment (Nullity) of Marriage

3. Children’s Issues

4. Matrimonial Assets

5. Maintenance Issues (Alimony)

6. Family Violence

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