One of my first questions to potential divorce clients is: “Can the marriage be saved?” As the saying goes, it takes “both hands to clap”. If one or both parties refuse to work on saving the marriage, the marriage can never be saved. Further, husband and wife should put in joint effort to resolve their differences early. As time passes, it gets harder for the problems to be fixed.
In an article posted on Woman’s Day (Denise Schipani, “9 Signs Your Marriage Might Be Over”, Woman’s Day, 16 August 2016) the author pointed out the following signs that one’s marriage might be over:
If you stay disconnected from your spouse and no longer spend time with him/ her, you may have disengaged from the marriage.
- Lack of effort from one spouse
To maintain a happy relationship, both parties need to try. When difficulties arise, you need to work together to resolve the problems. You know the marriage is in trouble if you constantly bring up an issue and your spouse refuses to address the issue with you.
- Lack of respect in the marriage
Respect is an important and essential aspect of marriage. If one of you constantly feel belittled and dismissed, you are in a bad place.
- Both partners do not work as a team
Running a household is a major responsibility. It is unhealthy for the marriage if you do not work with your spouse on day to day issues and do not support each other.
This is one of the most frequent underlying reasons for couples in Singapore to file for divorce. For couples who brave the storm and stay married, the straying spouse has to make sure that he/ she cuts off all ties with the third party. It takes a long time for the innocent spouse to heal from the hurt. Repeated assurance from the straying spouse is required.
- No compromise
Everybody has needs and demands in life. Partners need to learn to give and take, ie compromise. If you and your spouse do not communicate on your respective needs, you may be heading towards divorce.
- Your spouse is a serial cheater
No one can tolerate a cheating spouse, unless one simply does not care (and this spells bigger problems!). If you face a serial cheater whom you know will never change for the better, you may need the services of a divorce lawyer.
- Disagreement over whether to have children
Partners are able to compromise over many things. However, if you and your spouse disagree strongly on whether to have children, you may be looking at the end of your marriage.
- No communication
It may not be such a bad idea for you to have a quarrel with your spouse from time to time. At least, you are communicating! Couples who do not communicate will only drift further apart and this is extremely unhealthy.
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