As a divorce lawyer in Singapore, many of my friends asked me “what leads to a divorce”.
What leads to a divorce?
According to psychologist Eli Finkel, compatibility may not remain strong over time even if a couple were to start off strong.
Most couples date for a few years before they are engaged. This is what Finkel calls a “snapshot”. This may not be representative of one’s overall life.
During the dating period, you would not face problems which you would face when you are married. For instance, there is no crying toddler. Hence, even if you are extremely compatible during the period, you may not remain compatible in 3 to 5 years’ time, when you are married.
Most people do not know how much they will change in the future. Ideally, both parties will grow and change in tandem but that certainly does not happen all the time.
Susan Pease Gadoua, co-author of “The New I Do” said that it is helpful to know you have an “out” of your marriage. It might be sad when the time comes to leave, but it is not shameful to leave a troubling relationship.
See: Shana Lebowitz, “‘There’s no guarantee’ you and your spouse will still be compatible in 5 years, says a relationship psychologist”, Business Insider US, 20 September 2017
Marriage is a gamble. Change is inevitable. However, people entering into a marriage take a gamble that regardless of the changes, they are going to work hard to make the marriage works.
What leads to a divorce? Sometimes, people simply don’t work hard enough. On other occasions, hard work itself is not sufficient to make the marriage work.
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